I dedicate these actions to my grandmother who would be 110 today.

I love finding ways for people to use their hands to help others. For my third consecutive year, I will be participating in the Knit For Food Knit-a-Thon to raise funds for four organizations. The role World Central Kitchen has played across Ukraine and Turkey and many disaster/conflict zones has been inspiring to watch. And I know many folks benefit from Meals on Wheels in my community (my parents deliver meals).

​I posted flyers but have had little success in gathering others to make a team, so I would be ever so grateful for help with the $100 needed to participate before March 26th. I'm a quarter of the way there. 100% of your contributions are split evenly among the four great organizations that provide stability in unstable times. If you click on the images below, it should take you directly to my link. Donations need to be made under my name in order to go toward my goal.

For anyone who donates any amount, I offer to make and send you something handknit. $25 level, fingerless mitts? $50 level, a cowl? At the $150 level, I will send you the most colorful item I've ever created (pictured above and below).

If you are a crafter, another great group to get on the mailing list for is WelcomeBlanket.org. Second Tuesday of each month at 4 p.m. PST/7 p.m. EST they host Zoom gatherings for folks to work together and chat. 

I have been working on a blanket in background of my many other projects, but blankets are slow. I've been looking at a sample from the many pattern suggestions on the Welcome Blanket site, and think I will make large squares so I can focus on completing one at a time, rather than becoming overwhelmed by the entire blanket. 

I learned to knit at age 6 because my grandmother survived and escaped war. She was brave. If she could survive to pass on a cultural legacy to me, I can be brave and survive too. 

I've needed to remember that as the Give Up self and the Brave Self are duking it out. Ever since a point in time a year ago, a shift took place somewhere in my psyche where the refrain "You have no future" started haunting me. It started after I completed radiation, but appears out of the blue again and again. Even in my darkest times of life, I always had the sense of an open window somewhere, a vision I could carry internally of a future no matter how unrealistic. So this is new to me. Brave Self says, "Back off. You are responsible for your own happiness. You can make yourself a future." 

I am glad to be back contributing to medical care after a decade away from medical transcription with a freelance job over this past month for a small rural hospital that is a rarity using actual humans to create their records. After swimming in medical language for 20 years, it's amazing how it's like putting on an old sweater to find I still know how to spell some obscure orthopedic surgical sponge in an operative report, and all the intricacies of the ER dance return to my mind. 

Currently, I am seeking a reinvention with step-wise goals over the next four years, so that I position myself to actually be able to retire a decade later or love my work so much I don't want to retire. No expectation of ever owning property or a home, my goal is set to achieving a self-sustaining level at a smidge above half my area's median household income, which is a lifetime high for me. My Brave Self with a dose of curiosity is investigating any possible career path or further education that might incorporate my passions, skills, volunteer and work experiences into a future. A future that allows me to benefit others while working closer to 40 hrs/week and not worry about making every bill, that allows me to save enough toward expenses I currently carry as debt, like new tires on my ancient car, or surprise medical bills, or basically anything above essential household expenses. Did someone say yarn? 

Yes, most of my yarn is carried ​on debt. I have had to face the cold hard fact I have an addiction that has become a great roar the more anxiety I experience about my future, the future of the world, and my health. Knitting calms me, and colors are a source of comfort, but buying enough yarn to open up a store, thinking of all the items I intend to make as if I had 10 hands that are not working 55 hrs/week is not helpful. I recognize I have a problem, and Brave Self knows it is wise to put a stop to this until every part of my stash is knit up. Enough to keep me busy should I live long.