Spring Inklings

Mindful walks lift my spirits. Sharing what I learned from 9 hours of meditation in three days. 

• I have an inner therapist who I can trust as much/more than a virtual therapist via my health insurance to tell me to be aware of my emotions, nurture myself with healthy foods, and do things that make me feel good in order to shift depression.
• Sitting in grounding position with open-palmed intention to receive inspiration and receive in general shifts my sense of contraction and hopelessness about future.
• Waves of gratitude washed over me where I suddenly saw my physical surroundings for what they are. Yes, I am barely able to sustain my living situation, but I could barely imagine a more postcard perfect location to weather the storm of this pandemic, and I can remember to trust spirit for protecting me thus far.
• A story I heard somewhere long ago bubbled up: A person attended a workshop led by a famous healer, and the healer did her work with each member in the circle. After the healer went to work with this person, they still had the splitting headache they did when they arrived. Their situation did not change and they asked for their money back. The healer said, "You have no idea what would have happened to you if I had not done my work." Allegory for quackery aside, I applied this story to my situation to trust that even though I can be depressed and frustrated and can feel hopeless about my future, shifting my perspective to see changes I may view as negative unfolding may actually be to my benefit and protection as I am guided to become open to other directions and inspirations.  
• Sitting with sadness is okay.
• I really, really, really need to do something else to earn/supplement a living than I have for 25 years, and I did not realize how imperative this is for my health until the workflow stopped. I need to pause if applying to jobs is fruitless and frustrating.
• It is okay to lean on the state or whoever I need to for support for a while, since I have tolerated an unsustainable, self-sacrificing situation way too long.
• I do not need to know what is going to happen to trust what is.
• There is no floor. I cannot fall.  
• Walking in nature as meditation instead of as exercise resulted in more animals approaching me than ever before, as if I was meeting their worlds halfway.